This is how we doooooo iiiiiiiiiiiit!
Please don’t forget to read all 33 excerpts by scrolling down! “FOLLOW” this site all the way at the bottom for updates about new excerpt releases. Follow the author on Twitter (@drpablopistola). And tell your grandmothers about http://www.51shadesofbrown.com!
51 Shades of Brown, (BONUS) Excerpt #34 [Chapter 134]
Saraswatisarojashubhashinisushmasharada slowly aroused in a stupor with ringing ears and blurry vision. Is this what shell-shock feels like?
She had never before experienced panic like this.
However, a comforting silhouette surrounded by a radiant halo stood above her as she laid flat on the smoldering New Delhi avenue asphalt. Although the figure remained indistinct, warmth filled her heart as she picked up the scent of curry, while a droplet of coconut oil from his thick, bushy mustache cascaded downward and splattered on the bridge of her nose.
Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram. It was him. Her hero.
And immediately, all at once, memories flooded back into her mind about how she found herself in this compromising position.
● ● ● ● ●
Saraswatisarojashubhashinisushmasharada couldn’t believe how fortunate she was to be hand-picked by the Brown Knight. She had been a mere speck in the crowds of people lining the streets as Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram sat on his convertible automobile waving to his adoring followers. It seemed as though the entire population of the great nation of India had been present to witness his homecoming “Motorcade For The Mustache” parade in honour of his triumphant return from his well-publicized international tour. Yet somehow, he spotted her amongst the throngs of devotees and pointed her out to one of his many minions, who dutifully retrieved her with his invitation to join him.
So here she found herself preparing to be seated at a table for two on a Delhi sidewalk café on a most improbable chai date with the sexiest, oiliest man alive.
After once again glancing at his custom-made wrist watch, he commanded her to sit facing him.
Maybe he wants to stare into my eyes? Maybe he valiantly desires to offer me shade from the canopy to protect me from the boiling Indian sun? Maybe he wants me to remain down-wind from him so that I can continue to enjoy his aroma of Indian spices and coconut oil?!
After he poured piping-hot chai from the kettle into both of their cups, he nebulously whispered “Saraswatisarojashubhashinisushmasharada Beta, I shall give you the attention that you so very much deserve and crave, but first I must complete my mission.”
“His mission?!” she wondered to herself. Now the circumstances began to crystallize in her mind. The Brown Knight had insisted on drinking chai at this precise time, at this precise location, with this precise seating arrangement.
A beeping sound projected from his special watch, which immediately prompted the Brown Knight, who was currently wearing aviator cooling glasses, a leather jacket, and tight-ass jeans, to survey the surroundings. In an instant, a shadowy character approached from the crowds of passers-by and faced the table. He looked right at Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram and said “How do you do, Sir?” to which The Brown Knight replied “The coconut oil drips at midnight.” The operative immediately produced a manila folder from his trench coat, dropped the top-secret documents on the table before the Brown Knight, and then disappeared into the crowd just as mysteriously as he had appeared.
Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram, remaining as cool as a cucumber per usual, thumbed through the confidential papers and photographs while nodding Indian-style, by swaying his head from side-to-side. Saraswatisarojashubhashinisushmasharada felt gratitude for witnessing this special encounter. She couldn’t imagine being anywhere else on earth right n–
What was that?! Were those firecrackers?!
Was she so nervous in her hero’s presence that she was unwittingly releasing powerful, explosive farts?!! Was her irritable bowel syndrome flaring up again at the most inopportune time?!!
[DISHOOM! DISHOOM! DISHOOM-DISHOOM-DISHOOM!]
The porcelain chai cup she was about to sip from shattered into a million fragments in front of her pursed rosy-red lips as a bullet pierced it.
They had come under attack!
Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram instinctively collected the contents of the manila folder, dropped a generous tip of 1000 rupees on the table while smiling at the sultry waitress, forcefully grabbed the hand of Saraswatisarojashubhashinisushmasharada, and guided her as they together sprinted down the sidewalk under a hail of gunfire.
Despite the spray of bullets ricocheting off the sidewalk cement, the Brown Knight suddenly stopped at a table where two voluptuous Indian women were seated and intensely playing chess. He strategically moved the knight chess piece, whispered “Checkmate” to the smitten giggling damsels, and then seamlessly continued to run at full speed with Saraswatisarojashubhashinisushmasharada trying her best to keep up with him.
[To read more about the Brown Knight’s mastery of chess, please read excerpt #30 which was set in France by scrolling down, or by clicking on the following direct link: https://51shadesofbrown.wordpress.com/2015/04/18/so-my-post-is-a-little-later-than-usual-but-its-still-sexytime-friday-please-follow-this-site-by-entering-your-email-address-all-the-way-at-the-bottom-of-this-page-and-follow-dr-pablo-pistola-on/ ]
As they navigated to the middle of the street, loud explosions rocked the area as the assailants began to lob grenades at the imperiled couple. The Brown Knight responded by reaching into his leather jacket, procuring several jars of emergency coconut oil which he lit on fire with matches using 1000 rupee bills as wicks, and hurling the fiery projectiles towards the villains. The makeshift coconut oil Molotov cocktails detonated with a fury.
He had hoped this maneuver would offer sufficient cover fire for the two of them to cross the street. But one late-arriving grenade exploded on the laurie right next to them, sending the truck careening out of control in their direction while the driver slammed on the brakes.
The giant, ornately-decorated laurie screeched to a frightening halt only a few centimeters away from their feet. Alas, a coconut flew out from the payload cargo of the truck and landed directly on the delicate head of Saraswatisarojashubhashinisushmasharada, knocking her unconscious.
● ● ● ● ●
While her stupor from the impact wore off, Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram reached down to pick up Saraswatisarojashubhashinisushmasharada in his powerful arms and carry her to a nearby autorickshaw.
Once they were in the vehicle, he issued a terse “Step on it!” command to the driver. Loud shots resumed and grazed the metal framework of the flimsy autorickshaw as it attempted to speed away in the smothering Delhi traffic. The thrilling high-speed chase was as fast as 5 kilometers per hour while the adversaries chased behind them on foot.
Sensing that the ridiculous traffic in India, which makes any visitor reassess his will to live, would spell their certain doom, the Brown Knight reached into his leather jacket pocket, pulled out stacks of thousand rupee bills, and tossed them in the air, thereby making it rain on the busy expressway. Thousands of desperate Indians swarmed the vicinity to grab the floating currency.
He turned to her and whispered with a smirk “Rupee, rupee bills, yo. Don’t leave home without them.”
What swag. What mojo. This Mysterious Moustached Man exuded raw sexuality. Saraswatisarojashubhashinisushmasharada sighed in ecstasy.
But this was no time to get horny!
The flocks of Indians wrestling over the Brown Knight’s generous charity provided the requisite diversion for the two of them to exit the autorickshaw, run across the street, and make their way down the slope onto the riverbank. They quickly boarded a pirated speedboat, and the Brown Knight revved the engine to send their vessel bolting down the river.
Finally, she had him to herself. She at last had her chance to show him that she was determined to shed her “good little Indian girl” image that had been artificially curated by her oppressive parents for decades. She wanted him to rock her world. She couldn’t wait to—
[DISHOOM! DISHOOM! DISHOOM-DISHOOM-DISHOOM!]
A speedboat with two more enemies chased behind them and was rapidly gaining on their ship. Once the boats were close enough. the passenger on the nemesis speedboat brazenly jumped onto their boat. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram ordered Saraswatisarojashubhashinisushmasharada to hold the steering wheel as he darted to the back to face his adversary. As they stood in front of each other, arms cocked and poised for violent melee, the Brown Knight whispered “You look kind of goofy…like you’re…fresh off the boat…” The bewildered villain was caught off-guard, which allowed the Brown Knight to deliver one crushing punch to the face that sent the bad guy falling backwards off the boat.
Once Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram regained control of the speedboat, he forced the other speedboat on a collision course with an area of Indian boat traffic, which caused the captain of that boat to helplessly jump off before it exploded.
The Brown Knight, now in the clear, casually turned towards Saraswatisarojashubhashinisushmasharada and said “Care for a bite to eat?” She swiftly nodded. Of course she was hungry! All she could do around him was think about Indian food because of his potent smell of curry emanating from his thick body hair!
He docked the pirated speedboat, helped her disembark from the vessel, and guided her up the moistening brown fertile river bank to the adjacent road. There, they found a plethora of Indian street-side stands. They walked up to the pani puri cart to place their order.
The thunderstruck vendor stammered in the presence of an international celebrity.
While devilishly grinning at Saraswatisarojashubhashinisushmasharada, the Brown Knight confidently whispered “My name is Sheshadariprativadibayankaram — Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram. And I’ll have my pani puri water shaken, not stirred.”
● ● ● ● ●
Every generation of women requires a sexual touchstone. A hero. Enter Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram. A hero rises…
You can follow Dr. Pablo Pistola [the award-winning author] on Twitter [@drpablopistola] and read more about his exciting background by clicking on the following link: https://51shadesofbrown.wordpress.com/about/
Scroll ALL THE WAY DOWN to read about the Brown Knight’s romance adventures from the very beginning with excerpt #1!