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And now, time for the new excerpt….
51 Shades of Brown, (BONUS) Excerpt #44 [Chapter 175]
She couldn’t believe the depth of the media hysteria about these proceedings.
This wasn’t her first ride at the rodeo, so to speak. After all, she had worked so damn hard to become such a decorated political figure, and she sure as hell wasn’t going to get rattled by the frenzied interest of the international press.
Yet, despite her rationalizations, she felt her heart racing in her chest and perspiration accumulating in her loins.
The palpable buzz within this cavernous chamber reached a crescendo as he was escorted into the room towards the prominent table in front of the panel.
It was go-time.
The officer approached him to administer the oath. “Will you tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?“
The silence was so deafening, you could hear a pin drop.
He looked directly at her, winked his glimmering brown eye, and said “I do.“
This was her cue to speak. She collected her thoughts, took a deep breath and nervously swallowed before proclaiming “Here ye! Here ye! Please be seated. I now call to order this special Congressional hearing regarding the rampant use of coconut oil. For the record, please state your name for this panel.”
The magnificent brown gentleman paused, leaned forward towards the microphone positioned on the table top, and whispered “Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram.”
The flummoxed court reporter could barely keep up with his divine, never-ending Indian name, her rapid keystrokes barely keeping pace with the length of his polysyllabic surname. The Brown Knight, always keenly aware of angst among womenfolk, repeated his name phonetically for her benefit.
The court reporter, saved by his kind lifeline, now smiled seductively at the international hero, as he reciprocated with a warm glance and a subtle licking of the coconut oil dribbling off his thick, lustrous mustache onto his upper lip.
“Now that the oath has been administered, we shall begin this special session,” she firmly declared in an obvious, jealous attempt to interrupt the sexual tension burgeoning between the court reporter and the Indian folk hero. “As the head of this committee, I, Nancy Pelosi, will start things off.“
Nancy knew this was her chance to have the full, undivided attention of this Indian sex symbol.
“It is this committee’s hope that you at least acknowledge your role in the population’s overuse of coconut oil for every possible reason, from dry skin to frizzy hair,” declared Nancy Pelosi. “This committee has heard testimony from countless coconut oil addicts who claimed they had ’99 problems, and coconut oil solved over 86 of them’.
An aphrodisiac as potent as coconut oil can be misused by the general public. Do you concede that your sex appeal was the seed for this lubricant epidemic afflicting hipsters?“
The Brown Knight replied, “Perhaps. But, Madame Pelosi, you must understand: A playa like me can’t be turnin off da game.”
“This is a matter much more important than your skillful art of seduction,” retorted the female politician. “No man should have this much power.”
Despite her stern admonishment of him, her mind began to race from fantasy to fantasy, one after the other after the other. She dreamed about sharing a sensual coconut oil slip’n’slide with him on the private grounds of her Bay Area estate.
She imagined spooning with Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram. Nancy nearly wondered aloud whether she would prefer to be the spoonee to enjoy the tickling sensation of the copious amount of coconut oil on his mustache tenderly dribble onto her ears, or to be the spooner so that she could bury her face in his coconut oil drenched hair and whiff his aroma of garam masala & various other Indian spices.
In an instant, an agitated Caucasian Republican committee member yelled at the Brown Knight “YOU LIE!!! THIS COCONUT OIL THING IS A TOTAL FAD! THIS MAN’S ‘BROWN IS BEAUTIFUL’ NARRATIVE IS A DIRECT THREAT TO OUR WAY OF LIFE! IN FACT, ONE OF MY CONSTITUENTS TOLD ME THAT SHE HAS EXPERIMENTED WITH INHALATIONAL COCONUT OIL BY VAPING!!!” The angry GOP member with a perfect hair part, befitting of an oil industry executive, grew so furious that he began to tremble.
“ORDER! ORDER!! ORDER!!!” yelled Nancy Pelosi, as she desperately tried to regain control of the hearing while repeatedly slamming her gavel onto her antique wooden desk.
“It is in the interest of pubic…I mean….Uhhh,” stammered Nancy. What an embarrassing faux pais! “It is in the best interest for the public to know about the risks of excessive coconut oil use.“
“But bae,” answered the Brown Knight, “I’ve always warned people that, after coconut oil application, if their sexiness lasts more than 4 hours, they should call a doctor as they may be experiencing a dangerous effect of coconut oil: sexiness overload.”
Nancy sensed that her nipples, which crowned her supple breasts, were growing more erect by the second. Her sensual thoughts were interrupted by the ice cold piercing, jealous stare of Hillary Clinton, who sat in the first row of the viewing gallery.
Hillary was willing to give everything away, everything, including her presidential bid, just to enjoy one more glorious night with Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram.
Hillary would spill the beans about Benghazi & her hidden, deleted State Department emails just to feel his gentle, yet rugged, touch.
Nancy’s envy came gushing back all at once when she saw Hillary undressing the Brown Knight with her eyes.
Nancy wondered if she should flaunt the affection shown to her by other powerful men, in an effort to make this fine Indian man notice that she was a hot-blooded woman.
House Speaker John Boehner takes the gavel from Democratic Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi Jan. 6 at the start of the 114th Congress
She had to act!
In the most stunning moment ever broadcast on the C-SPAN television network, Nancy Pelosi suddenly pulled out a massive jar of extra virgin coconut oil from underneath her desk, causing the entire audience to gasp in unison.
“If I may invoke my authority as the head of this Congressional committee, I demand that Mr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram accompany me right now to my office to personally demonstrate safe application of coconut oil to both of our glistening bodies.”
Dutifully, the Brown Knight stood up and exited the room hand-in-hand with Nancy Pelosi and her lubricant jar, as the galvanized, thunderstruck audience members erupted in a jubilant standing ovation.
Amid the unbridled bliss within the hearing chamber, Hillary Clinton quickly gathered her own coconut oil jar and raced out of the room to follow the couple and partake in their greasy delight…
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