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#SexyTime Friday is back! Enjoy the new excerpt (#42) below and all previous 41 excerpts as you scroll below. And please, PLEASE, at least for my sake, please use coconut oil in moderation…

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WWW.51SHADESOFBROWN.COM has become an international phenomenon! I’m so proud to have 10 views in war-torn Iraq, and I now have a fan in Zambia!

51SOBcoconut loveIndian machismo

Please don’t forget to tell EVERYONE you know about WWW.51SHADESOFBROWN.COM (the website is super easy to remember!), your go-to site for Indian romance satire! Share the website by word of mouth (want to be life of the party?; then mention our site), email, text, Twitter, Facebook, Linked In, MySpace, and even by carrier pigeon!

And without further ado, here is the latest HOT HOT HOT excerpt:

51 Shades of Brown, (BONUS) Excerpt #42 [Chapter 169]

Mary Smith couldn’t believe her misfortune! Her brand new laptop computer wouldn’t connect to her expensive printer, and of course her career-defining presentation was scheduled for the very next day.

Of course!

She had spent hours, clad in her most sleek negligee lingerie, leafing through the device manuals and troubleshooting as best she could. 

negligee lingerielaptop manual

But every time, the same damn error frame kept popping up on her computer screen.

error frame

Mary Smith had reached dire straits, alone in a cold, harsh world of ones and zeroes.

A19D55 COMPUTER CIRCUIT BOARD WITH BINARY CODE

It’s always darkest before dawn,” she muttered to herself as a reminder to not give up hope.

With trembling fingers, she dialed the phone number of the computer company’s help line, her despair growing deeper with each ring.

dialing phone

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

At that moment, she feared what she might be capable of doing: ending it all so that the pain would stop. 

Goodbye, cruel wor–” exclaimed the unhinged damsel in distress.

But just as she was about to hang up the telephone and succumb to her hopelessness, a tender voice from the computer help center said “Hi, my name is Peter. Thank you for your purchase and becoming a member of our family. How may I be of service to you?

Mary Smith’s racing heart immediately calmed down, like a bucking mustang being tamed by a horse whisperer. Never before had she heard a voice so warm, so comforting, so thick with an Indian accent.

indian phone

Mary Smith remained silent, thunderstruck by his je ne sais quoi. His breathtaking essence stunned her. 

How may I help you today, Ms Smith?” repeated the technical support employee.

She thought to herself “How the hell did he know I’m single and lonely?! He used ‘Ms’ instead of ‘Mrs’ to address me!

She finally mustered the courage to whimper “My printer isn’t working with my laptop. But…before we troubleshoot…Please, please tell me your real name.”

Peter’s discomfort was palpable, probably since the conversation was being recorded for quality assurance and training purposes, and because she was asking him to break script to have a moment of vulnerability.

Madam, my name is not of consequence to your compu—” he offered.

I just have to know the name of my guardian angel.” she responded.

Well….My name is….Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram,” he whispered.

What a magnificent, divine Indian name!

And…where are you?” Mary inquired.

Madam, currently I’m located in downtown Bangalore, the Silicon Valley of India” replied the Brown Knight.

Bangalore

Bang…galore….Bang….galore” repeated Mary. “And….what are you wearing right now?” moaned the desperate American woman. 

Kurtha pajama pants, and what you call a ‘wife beater’ on my torso. And my skin is glistening with coconut oil” answered her savior.

Kurta pantswife beater

Mary started to breathe more heavily, her own pointer finger gently tracing the contour of her inner thighs before saying “Please, for the love of God and All Things Holy, please tell me you have a thick, engorged, throbbing, bushy Indian mustache.

Indeed I do, Madam Smith. In fact, coconut oil is dribbling from my lustrous whiskers onto my supple lips.

coconut_oil

Mmmmmmmmm” she audibly gasped. “Do you have any nicknames among the ladies?” probed the writhing Caucasian in a subtle effort to gauge his sexual experience.

Yes. The womenfolk often refer to me as ‘Hot Chocolate’ — but you know what goes well with hot chocolate?” asked the Brown Knight.

I’m not sure…What?” said the aroused lady.

White marshmallows…” said Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram.

hot chocolate and white marshmallows

Mary Smith immediately looked at her own snow-white skin, imagining the sensual contrast of his mocha-colored body pressing against her voluptuous pale curves. She loudly groaned, while each of their deep breaths began to synchronize in unison.

Ms Smith, I’m going to need your consent to remotely take over your computer.” uttered the India Institute of Technology trained computer specialist.

Yes! YES! YES!!! You can have control over me! I want you to take control!” exclaimed Mary Smith.

It will be my pleasure. Click ‘I accept’ on your screen now, and then I’ll relentlessly penetrate your computer over and over and over until you beg for me to stop” replied the Brown Knight, flaunting his absolute command over her computer and her body. 

After obediently clicking per his forceful instructions, she began to slowly stroke her mouse, tempted to exert her will on the cursor but instead choosing to lay limp and let him have his way with her computer.

Frames on her screen were masterfully opened and manipulated by this veritable maestro, her Brown Knight in shining armor. And just as Mary Smith was about to achieve a spectacular, long-awaited climax, the dazzling Indian suddenly said “Please hold for a moment.

In an instant, hold music began to play. The heavy bass and methodical electric guitar strums made it clear that the musical selection had been meticulously curated from a porn soundtrack, further heightening her state of tantric eroticism to unprecedented intensity. She found herself craving the gentle touch of a computer-savvy Indian software engineer. She imagined him in her apartment giving her technical guidance from behind with his arms tenderly wrapped around her quivering waistline and his pungent aroma of garam masala and various other Indian spices overwhelming her nostrils.

indian spices

Madam, are you still there?” said Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram. 

YES!” moaned Mary. “You better goddamn believe that I’m still here!

Miss Smith, it seems like you will need to accept permission for me to download my driver onto your computer. Please click ‘I accept’ if you’re willing to let me deposit something very fresh onto your hard drive.

Mary frantically clicked her approval.

Do you like to download drivers?” asked the Brown Knight. 

I’ll download the hell out of any driver you give to me” sighed the American. 

download progress

Madam Smith, do you know the difference between lust and love?

No…what’s the difference?” replied Mary.

Lust is like the temporarily satisfying crushed black pepper you white folks use to allegedly ‘spice’ up your bland meals. Love is like the permanent stain of Indian spices which allow your palate to experience unparalleled sensations. Once you go brown, you’ll never turn it down.” said the technical support hero. 

OHMYGOD! FILL ME WITH YOUR HOT CURRY!!!” yelled the undulating woman.

And in an instant, her printer awoke from its dormant state, rumbling like a volcano poised to erupt. Mary Smith quickly got on her knees in front of the printer and started to stroke the machine with both hands just as the device began to squirt out printed paper after printed paper from the cue on her computer. She screamed in ecstasy as the machine ejaculated documents into her lap, against her bosom, onto her face, and into her hair, smearing warm, moist printer ink all over her perspiring body.

Just as Mary Smith lit a post-orgasmic cigarette and puffed on it, the Brown Knight unexpectedly said “It appears that your problem has been resolved. Please take the time to respond to the satisfaction survey which will be emailed to you. And have a great evening.”

Horrified to hear the phone click on his end, Mary frantically navigated her mouse to open her inbox. “I would rather die in his arms than live just one more day without that software engineer” she thought to herself. After opening his email from the technical support center, her body swelled as she saw that Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram had invitingly inserted his Skype username ‘HotChocolate69‘ into the body of her email message.

With haste, Mary Smith then opened Skype on her laptop, eagerly anticipating a night of nonstop hot technical support…

gold

Click on the following link to learn more about Dr. Pablo Pistola, the award-winning author: https://51shadesofbrown.wordpress.com/about/

Did you know that Dr. Pistola not only writes Indian romance satire here, but he also writes medical satire at Gomerblog? Click on the following link to read his medical satire: http://gomerblog.com/author/drpablopistola/

Spread the word about WWW.51SHADESOFBROWN.COM, scroll down to enjoy the prior 41 excerpts, follow the author on Twitter (@drpablopistola), and click on “FOLLOW” all the way on the bottom of the screen for future updates!

Dr Pablo Pistola

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About the Author

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Dr Pablo Pistola had become increasingly dissatisfied with satisfaction-based forces in medicine. He felt like a doctor without a purpose. He subsequently embarked on a 7 year twerking quest in the Himalayan foothills to find his true calling. During this journey, he realized that he has a secret talent: his immense knowledge about women. He understands them. Legend has it that he can size up a woman’s soul in a mere instant. He didn’t ask for these powers. But with great powers come great responsibilities. So Dr Pablo Pistola (double-board certified in Love Medicine & Romance Medicine, with fellowship training in Seduction Medicine) has been dabbling in satirical erotic writing. And if satirical erotic writing can offer a viable exit strategy from medicine, then the world will be a better place. His responsibility is to bring the stories of lust to you. He also is an avid life-long Miami Heat fan. Dr Pistola’s medical satire contributions: http://www.gomerblog.com/author/drpablopistola/ Twitter: @drpablopistola

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