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51 Shades of Brown, (BONUS) Excerpt #41 [Chapter 158]
The energy in the atmosphere was palpable. She could feel it coming in the air tonight.
“Hold on” she whispered to herself.
She’d been waiting for this moment for all her life.
“Hold on…hold on” she quietly muttered.
It wasn’t just the electric crowd of spectators clapping in unison. It wasn’t just the pageantry of this world-famous competition. It wasn’t just the unfettered power she wielded as the Lead Judge for this contest.
There was something more that was making Shubasharadadipameghana all hot and bothered.
It was him.
The annual tradition already had been a TV ratings juggernaut with a live international audience. But the media presence due to the Brown Knight’s involvement foretold an anticipated record-shattering viewership.
Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram’s razor sharp intellect had gained global notoriety. Therefore, when the clamoring public insisted on his participation based on a loophole in the entry rules, the tidal wave of enthusiasm swept up the international man of mystery, who begrudgingly accepted the invitation to join the event.
So here he was on the stage, in flesh and blood, one of two finalists surviving the grueling gauntlet. Other contestants from earlier rounds had dropped like flies: some from mental missteps, but most from asphyxiation due to the Brown Knight’s pungent aroma of Indian curry which percolated throughout the entire auditorium.
Never before had Shubasharadadipameghana ever considered perturbing the sanctity of these proceedings. Never before had Shubasharadadipameghana thought she would have the Machiavellian desire to manipulate results.
“And hot dayummmmm, his rear end justifies my means.” whispered Shubasharadadipameghana under her breath.
Everything about her hero made her want to break all the rules on his behalf. Everything. His dazzling, bushy mustache. His glimmering hair and skin, nearly reflective due to his perfectly-applied sheen of coconut oil. His tight, form-fitting khaki pants which cradled and hugged his legendary hairy genitalia. His confidence.
Oh, his confidence!
Shubasharadadipameghana wanted to be with him. She wanted to be the one to wear a sari and flimsy sandals while struggling to keep up with the Brown Knight, who would be clad in Western clothing and comfortable tennis shoes, on evening strolls. She wanted to be behind him by several paces on these fantasy walks, not just as an ostensible manifestation of subservience, but also to have the opportunity to stare at his thin, bony Indian buttocks.
She wanted him to be his companion at Indian dinner parties, where the women could huddle and gossip in the kitchen while preparing 532-step Indian recipes and simultaneously caring for hyperactive children; meanwhile, the men could be segregated in the secluded, quiet living room, while sipping whiskey and discussing business, politics and sports.
Shubasharadadipameghana wanted all these luxuries so badly. But now she had to interrupt her steamy fantasies and focus on the task at hand.
The executive producer for the television broadcast signaled with finger gestures to the panel of judges the countdown to resuming live coverage after stoppage for a commercial break.
“Greetings and salutations to all! Welcome back to the Scripps National Spelling Bee! We have reached the final round, with only two contestants remaining. Vivek Bhavesh Malipatil-Patel from Alpharetta, Georgia!“
The audience offered respectful but muted golf-clapping to recognize the nerdy little prepubescent Indian geek.
“And all the way from India, the incomparable Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram!“
The spectators erupted with thunderous applause, causing the television cameras, the judges’ table, and Shubasharadadipameghana’s ovaries to vibrate.
It was go-time.
“Let’s get right to down to crowning our champion. Vivek, your first word is ‘appoggiatura.’“
The profusely-sweating Vivek Bhavesh Malipatil-Patel squirmed for a moment and ran his fingers through his sparse peach fuzz mustache before finally offering the correct spelling. The dismayed audience groaned to express its collective disappointment.
“Ridding myself of this little nerd might be more of a challenge than expected” thought Shubasharadadipameghana.
“Now Mr. Brown Knight, your word is ‘lubricant’” she said.
“Please, Madam Shubasharadadipameghana use that word in a sentence” said the heartthrob with mocha-colored skin.
She blushed while responding: “Coconut oil is not only the world’s most potent aphrodisiac, but it is also a divine lubricant which can offer untold pleasures.“
The Brown Knight smirked, massaged his oily throbbing mustache, and then answered “L-U-B-R-I-C-A-N-T.“
Enthusiastic cheers reverberated throughout the hall and enveloped her quivering body.
Shubasharadadipameghana suppressed her burgeoning lust and carried on. “Vivek Bhavesh Malipatil-Patel, your word is suh-LAUD.“
The perspiring dweeb began to fidget like a beached fish out of the water. “Um….uhhhh. Ummmmm” stammered the virgin boy. “Could you please use that word in a sentence?“
She coldly replied “I like suh-LAUD.“
The emasculated contestant burst into tears knowing that his fate had been sealed. He began to teeter to and fro with widening eyes, before violently collapsing on the stage in front of the jubilant auditorium.
His time expired, and without a modicum of sympathy, she uttered “Your time is up. The correct spelling for suh-LAUD is S-A-L-A-D. Now, Mr. Brown Knight, you can win this contest by spelling one of the most complicated words on the planet: Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram.“
The audience gasped at the sheer complexity of the word, yet the Brown Knight stood tall, unfazed by the whirlwind. “Madam Shubasharadadipameghana, could you please use that word in a sentence?“
Shubasharadadipameghana moaned “I want Shree-Shay-Shaw-Thuh-Ree-Pruh-Thee-Váh-Thee-Bye-Yun-Kuh-Rum to dominate my writhing body, just like Indians dominate the hell out of spelling bee competitions.”
And then the man stepped right up to microphone. And he said at last just as the time bell rang “S-R-I-S-H-E-S-H-A-D-A-R-I-P-R-A-T-I-V-A-D-I-B-A-Y-A-N-K-A-R-A-M.“
The world rejoiced in unbridled bliss, as Shubasharadadipameghana realized that the Brown Knight had not only won the competition, but also won the key to her bronze chastity belt which had been welded to her groin during her teenage years by her overprotective Indian father…
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