There’s always the temptation to use more coconut oil. But always use it in moderation. Always.
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51 Shades of Brown, (BONUS) Excerpt #40 [Chapter 154]
Anuprabhaanumeghaanupamaanulataanuradha for a brief moment felt liberated. She began to experience the sensation of flying due the height of her position and the brisk wind whipping her lustrous hair to and fro.
However, the trance from her momentary fantasy of weightlessness was disrupted by the flashing lights from the fire trucks and ambulances far below her.
In an instant, her heart sunk back into the depths of despair as her profound hopelessness and plight came rushing back.
Anuprabhaanumeghaanupamaanulataanuradha thought she had no other choice. Taking her own life by jumping off the 51st floor ledge of this Chennai skyscraper seemed like the only way that she could take control of her situation, the only way to offer her respite from the stressors that had brought her such anguish.
She could no longer bear to face the world out of sheer embarrassment by her inability to prepare round rotis for her engineering husband. Oh, the shame of making rectangular, and alas sometimes even octagonal, rotis!
She could no longer face her cold mother-in-law after being caught red-handed by her spouse while taking a shortcut that trimmed two steps out of the usual 97 step Indian recipe. Oh, the humiliation of people knowing that she used instant tamarind powder, instead of soaking fresh tamarind, for her rasam recipe!
She could no longer live another day with her womb laying fallow, never penetrated, much less caressed or even touched, her horniness growing day by day, month by month, and year by year. Oh, the indignity of remaining a virgin despite 7 long years of marriage to an Indian engineer, who felt more compelled to use every spare minute to watch cricket test matches on television instead of undressing a woman in such obvious heat!
Anuprabhaanumeghaanupamaanulataanuradha just wanted to let go of the rope. The time to end it all was now.
But as she mustered the courage to see this through and began to lean forward, her eyes suddenly fixed on a spotlight on top of the nearby police headquarters which had just been activated. The powerful light beam cut through the muggy air and illuminated the sky above, searing an image of a circle with a large mustache in the middle.
The Brown Knight Light had been turned on.
Enter Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram. A hero rises.
Within a few moments, a Brown Maruti sedan screeched to a stop onto the expressway directly below her.
Her heart began to race even faster. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram exited the vehicle wearing an embroidered sherwani outfit, and briskly walked by the police commissioner, who handed the international man of mystery a brown megaphone.
My goodness, to be in his presence was an honour never before bestowed upon her! And even from this great distance, she could see his huge, bushy signature mustache, shimmering in the moonlight from the coat of coconut oil which had been applied to his whiskers. It was so…huge. Were her eyes playing tricks on her, or did his large mustache appear to be throbbing?! His aura soothed her emotions. His scent of curry began to rise up to her level, causing her to become ravenously hungry, not just for Indian food, but also for love.
Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram turned on the megaphone, and at the very same time, turned on Anuprabhaanumeghaanupamaanulataanuradha.
“Hello?! Hello – hello—hello—hello?!!” said the Brown Knight.
“NAMASTE!” she yelled from high above.
The hero continued “Listen, bae, you don’t have to go through with this. You are beautiful ornate tapestry, one which deserved to be displayed all of mankind.”
“YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT’S LIKE TO LIVE AS A HERETIC! AN OUTCAST! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO HAVE TWO OVARIES PRODUCING EGGS CRAVING TO BE FERTILIZED BY A REAL MAN! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO DREAM ABOUT THE TOUCH OF A MAN! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO CONSTANTLY FANTASIZE ABOUT SRI-SHESHADARIPRATIVADIBAYANKARAM! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE….TO BE ME!!!” screamed the sobbing Anuprabhaanumeghaanupamaanulataanuradha, with tears streaming down her rosy cheeks.
His amplified voice projected his response via the megaphone “Do you know what ‘bae’ stands for? It stands for ‘before anyone else’ – and this is how I feel about you. I care about your well-being above anyone else on earth. You are precious. I would love to apply coconut oil to every square inch of your body to relax each of your supple body’s muscle fibers.”
She thought for a moment and began to consider that his statements were just too good to be true. How often would a guy like him want to get it in with a girl like her? She couldn’t take it anymore. She began to lunge forward before hearing the masculine voice continue “BAE, DON’T DO IT! IF YOU CLIMB BACK IN THAT WINDOW NEXT TO YOU, YOU CAN HAVE MY BODY TONIGHT!”
Her jaw dropped at this indecent proposal. In an instant, she reentered the building, raced to the elevator, went straight down into the lobby, and emerged at the street level to run into the open arms of the Brown Knight. The gathered throngs of onlookers erupted in unbridled bliss at the spectacle.
Together, while they walked hand-in-hand towards the Brownmobile, the Brown Knight relayed the brown megaphone back to the police commissioner.
As Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram valiantly opened the car door for Anuprabhaanumeghaanupamaanulataanuradha, the police commissioner nodded, turned towards the local sheriff standing next to him and said “Tonight, Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram’s brown penis has saved yet another life. God bless that man.”
The sheriff replied “True, but maybe she did all this just to get a chance to become impregnated by his golden sperm. You never know. Why does a great man like that keep putting up with the neverending demands of all these women?”
The commissioner paused, and then ominously offered “Because he’s the hero India deserves, but not the one it needs whenever this nation’s females have post-coital morning glow after proper satisfaction. So the sexually-deprived women will hunt him, because he can take it. Because he’s not our hero. He’s a silent guardian. A watchful protector. The Brown Knight.”
At that moment, the Brownmobile’s tires screeched across the asphalt on the road, blasting the lustful couple towards the nearest hotel where, at last, Anuprabhaanumeghaanupamaanulataanuradha could engage in pleasures of the flesh…
Scroll down to read all 39 prior excerpts! You can read about Dr. Pablo Pistola [the award-winning author of http://www.51shadesofbrown.com] by clicking on the following link: https://51shadesofbrown.wordpress.com/about/