I’ve told all of my readers this before, but as this site becomes increasingly popular, I become a target. A few weeks ago, Justin Bieber came after me (about excerpt #27). And after last week’s excerpt, the British embassy had the audacity to call me on my *PERSONAL* cell phone number in order to influence me to take down excerpt #31. Of course I stood tall against Justin Bieber and I stood tall against the British authorities. I’m prepared to ruffle the feathers of some very powerful people with my newest excerpt (#32) below:
51 Shades of Brown, (BONUS) Excerpt #32 [Chapter 128]
Where could he have gone? Did he already leave?!
Dread overwhelmed her mind. She sprinted through multiple corridors, desperately peeking in each room to spot him. But he was nowhere to be found.
She felt as though this were a nightmare. She had so much left to say to him. So much left to learn from him. And in what seemed like an instant, her hopes were dashed. Tears began to swell in her eyes.
At that moment, however, she realized that the tears were not evoked by her wild emotions, but instead by the aroma of freshly diced onions. She picked up her pace and followed the smell as it became stronger and stronger. Soon she smelled red chili peppers, then turmeric, and as the fragrance became even more potent, she smelled garam masala. Her mouth watered. The wafts of curry led her to the end of the hall.
She stood before the door to the Oval Office which had been left ajar, and she carefully pushed the entryway open a sliver more to look inside.
Suddenly into view came Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram in the midst of very intense conversation with the President of the United States of America.
She couldn’t quite decipher the exact nature of the conversation other than hearing phrases such as “coconut oil gap,” “coconut oil reserves,” and “coconut oil as a powerful commodity” – but the power dynamic was evident here in the White House. The Brown Knight clearly had the President’s ears. Obama deferentially nodded as Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram continued to offer his advice. Sure, Obama was the “Leader of the Free World,” but the Brown Knight was the leader of the entire world. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram’s confidence was palpable.
She was honored to have Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram as the keynote speaker at her presidential campaign fundraiser gala event earlier this evening on the Rose Garden. But Hillary Rodham Clinton wanted more from this Indian hero. Much more.
Hillary Rodham Clinton had not felt such potent lust since her days back in Arkansas. Her nether regions had remained dormant for decades, but lately she had grown weary of her husband’s roaming eyes. She wanted to be the focus of a man’s attention for once. She had earned it, goddammit! She had played second fiddle to her husband long enough. Soon this entire building would be under her command! Hillary started to maniacally cackle but then muffled her voice as she did not dare disturb this voyeuristic delight.
Suddenly she noticed Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram and President Obama look upward in unison. Had she been discovered as a peeping Tom?!
Nay, it was just Vice President Joe Biden, who burst into the room via a secret side entryway, recited a dirty joke, and then laughed hysterically at his own comedy routine.
President Obama apologetically closed the secret passage as the giggling Joe Biden exited through the same portal.
President Obama shook his head and seamlessly carried on his sober dialog with the Brown Knight.
As Hillary Rodham Clinton continued to spy on the conversation, thoughts raced through her mind. My God, what would I give to cradle Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram’s head in my lap against my bosom, gently rocking him to and fro as I run my fingers through his hair and soak in the coconut oil?!
What would I give to stroke his thick, lustrous mustache which had been coated with coconut oil from the White House pantry?! Why does only Bill get to taste the forbidden fruits of infidelity?! My goodness, if I invited him with subtle innuendo, would the Brown Knight take me to the same room where Bill took Monica Lewinsky?! There, would he rip off my pantsuit and have his way with my body?! Oh, I can’t wait for you to taste my sweet revenge, Bill! I even packed a cigar!
You lowered your standards to hook up with a mere White House intern; I’m going to make sweet, sweet love to THE global power broker with unparalleled political clout! Take THAT Bill! Tell me how my ass taste, Bill! Tonight I’m gonna fu—
“Oh, pardon me, Madame” said Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram as he surprised the daydreaming Hillary Rodham Clinton by exiting the Oval Office. “I serve at the pleasure of the President. It won’t be long before I serve at your pleasure, Hillary.”
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