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My lawyers tried to throw their bodies in front of me releasing tonight’s excerpt, claiming that the person involved in the tale was “powerful beyond measure” — but I stood tall against fear. I continue to bring you the unfettered story of the Brown Knight and his adventures in romance. Coconut oil has given me strength. And, as always, please PLEASE use coconut oil in moderation. Its #SexyTime Friday. Enjoy.

51SOB

Tell everyone about http://www.51shadesofbrown.com!

Bieber3

My lawyers are understandably skittish after the recent fiasco with Justin Bieber based on his involvement in excerpt #27 (to read about how that little punk threatened me and tried to strongarm me into deleting the excerpt, please scroll down to read the introductions to the excerpts over the last few weeks).

By the way, it helps to read the excerpt below in a British accent. Carry on!

51 Shades of Brown, (BONUS) Excerpt #31 [Chapter 125]

Mmm, how could this Indian man arouse her so? 

His mere presence had stoked embers of smoldering passion within her cauldron of desire below her belt.

The entire population of the United Kingdom of Great Britain & Northern Island had eagerly anticipated this historic visit by the international celebrity. 

UK

Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram was a veritable living legend

The Brown Knight presented himself clad in a neatly-pressed custom-tailored three-piece designer Italian suit. Yet despite the layers of his outfit, she found herself zoning out while staring at the bulge under his pants extending from his crotch to his upper thigh, surely indicating the contour of his todger.

My goodness, I would fancy an even closer inspection of his trousers to confirm my curious suspicion that he is currently hanging to the left, mind you!” she thought to herself. 

She could no longer deny that she had been craving the touch of a man since her body had been left to lay fallow for decades. Her husband couldn’t be bothered to notice her subtle overtures anymore; he barely even touched her. What absolute rubbish! 

She wanted somebody who didn’t look right through her as though she weren’t there. Somebody who would whisper sweet nothings into her ear with warm breath exuding the aroma of Indian spices with a touch of cilantro and garlic. She wanted somebody who would care enough to ask her about her day. 

She craved intimate contact. A kiss to the nape of her neck. A stroke of her mammary glands. A controlling tug of her hair. A gentle bit of how’s your father. Her post-menopausal body offered the opportunity for limitless, guilt-free casual intercourse. But she felt ignored and abandoned.

Now was her chance to regain control of her sexual destiny. 

She made the decision to grab the helm and steer her body towards a long overdue, seismic climax sure to register tremors with an intensity of 7.2 on the Richter earthquake scale throughout the entire British Isle, her mother homeland.

Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram knelt before her as she stood in front of royalty, Members of Parliament and the Monty Python cast, Lords, Elton John, Dukes, the Spice Girls, and the British press corp, all within the lavishly decorated Royal Ceremony Quarters within Buckingham Palace.

palace

He had earned prior accolades of chivalry, including Member of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire (MBE), Officer of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire (OBE), then Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire (CBE). But now, the occasion of his knighthood was upon the world!

Amid the pageantry of the proceedings, all while the cameras flashed and the television crews broadcast the event live to an international audience, her thoughts became paradoxically elemental. Carnal. Primal. All she could think about was how hot it was to have a man of his stature in such a submissive position.

Thoughts echoed through her mind.  Would he offer me the delight of nibbling on my English muffin while he is down there on his knees? Would he be receptive to some of ye ol’ slap and tickle?

The Queen felt compelled to sheepishly break the ice by chuckling “I shall put the ‘Knight’ in ‘Brown Knight’, shan’t I?

Oh dear, was that an awkward joke?! Oh, bollocks! Have I ruined my chance to bed him?!!

Her buoyant mood teetered on the precipice of despair. But Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram sensed her wavering confidence, and he offered her a beaming smile to immediately calm her paranoia. She was amazed by the potency of his intangible je ne sais qua to the point of feeling gobsmacked.

She thought “Well, bugger me sideways, that was rather unexpected! What gentleman! What a jolly good bloke! What a hunk of meat! Perhaps he is sending me a signal that he wants to make sweet, sweet love to me?!!

She wondered if an Indian guy like him and a proper English lady like herself could…could…could roll like thunder under the covers. 

Does he realize that chicken tikka masala has British origins? Could the two of them similarly become a splendid blend of England and India? 

TikkaMasala

Would he find my preparation by using the Royal Bidet to be delightful?

bidet

Oh to be back in Colonial times when I simply could command him to lift up my dress to see the lacy Royal undergarments that I wore specifically to curry his favor! 

She could feel droplets racing down her Royal inner thigh. Was it perspiration? Or something else altogether?! 

She told herself, “Now Elizabeth, hold yourself together! Heavy is the head that wears the crown, but rise above your sultry obsessions and carry yourself with a bit of bloody dignity! But, oh me oh my, that glistening mustache of his, perfectly coated with a thick coconut oil sheen, is almost …hypnotic...Why, it makes me so…..so….so randy!””

coconut_oil

Her body, mind and palate had reached dizzying heights of arousal, with a loss of equilibrium that almost made her fall arse over tit. 

Would he be delighted to know that I commanded the Queen’s Guard make arrangements for me to give him a private tour of the Royal Master Bedroom? 

guard

Would I get a peek at his legendary brown twig and berries before finally enjoying rumpy-pumpy? Just the two of us in the quarters. What untold pleasures await me!

The trumpets began to sound, jarring her wandering mind back to reality and indicating that it was time for Queen Elizabeth II to officially knight him. She lifted her diamond-studded gold sword and gently brushed the edge against each of his shoulders as he remained on his knee before Her Highness.

queen

Thunderous applause shook the chamber. He had knelt before her as Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram, but now he stood up as Sir Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram.

The Brown Knight bowed in deference to her, but as he leaned forward, he whispered an inviting private message to Queen Elizabeth with a seductive wink: “Your Majesty, the sun never sets on my Indian empire.”

In that moment, her body swelled as she knew she would offer herself to him on this charming evening of boundless pleasure…

gold 

Please enter your email to “FOLLOW” this site for new updates. Also follow Dr Pablo Pistola [the author] on Twitter [@drpablopistola]. You can read more about his training and his credentials at the following link: https://51shadesofbrown.wordpress.com/about/

Dr Pablo Pistola

I would like to also extend a special thanks to my family member (who wishes to remain anonymous) from Harlton, England who served as an honorary consultant for this excerpt (as well as excerpt #23, which features another Englishwoman who was a love interest of my protagonist)!

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About the Author

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Dr Pablo Pistola had become increasingly dissatisfied with satisfaction-based forces in medicine. He felt like a doctor without a purpose. He subsequently embarked on a 7 year twerking quest in the Himalayan foothills to find his true calling. During this journey, he realized that he has a secret talent: his immense knowledge about women. He understands them. Legend has it that he can size up a woman’s soul in a mere instant. He didn’t ask for these powers. But with great powers come great responsibilities. So Dr Pablo Pistola (double-board certified in Love Medicine & Romance Medicine, with fellowship training in Seduction Medicine) has been dabbling in satirical erotic writing. And if satirical erotic writing can offer a viable exit strategy from medicine, then the world will be a better place. His responsibility is to bring the stories of lust to you. He also is an avid life-long Miami Heat fan. Dr Pistola’s medical satire contributions: http://www.gomerblog.com/author/drpablopistola/ Twitter: @drpablopistola

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