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It’s #SexyTime Friday again, and I’m happy to get your weekend kick-started with a new Indian romance satire excerpt, my devoted followers. Please FOLLOW at the very bottom to receive alerts about new updates, and tell absolutely everyone you know about WWW.51SHADESOFBROWN.COM, including your grandmother. Definitely tell grandma. She needs the excitement. And as always, please use coconut oil in moderation…


Don’t hate the player. Hate the coconut oil.

51 Shades of Brown, (BONUS) Excerpt #26 [Chapter 104]

Panchaliayushmatibaijayanthirangana entered into a zen state. Every muscle fiber of her body had relaxed. The tension of needing to prepare the next 782-step South Indian meal in her kitchen receded from her mind.

She had been sent out to purchase new dhoti pants for her father-in-law, as well as green beans and garam masala, ingredients for her recipe she would follow in attempt to please, in vain as usual, her electrical engineer husband.

Yet here she was, in a trance, feeling the touch of a man for the first time ever. How did she end up here, receiving an intimate massage from Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram?


His powerful fingers roamed every contour of her shoulder, evoking goosebumps all over. The piloerection throughout her body overwhelmed her. Aromatic incense wisps seductively enveloped her body and mercilessly penetrated her nostrils over and over and over.


I aim to please.” whispered the Brown Knight into her ear, as he dripped warm coconut oil on her neck. The trickling substance raced down her spine, causing her to shudder in ecstasy. He soothed her shiver by muttering “Relax, Panchaliayushmatibaijayanthirangana…Relax…

She dutifully followed his instructions and closed her eyes. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram’s palms caressed her upper back in such a way that she clenched her fists and teeth in fear about where his probing hands would ultimately explore.  

Thoughts raced through her mind. Would his hands stop there? Would they travel down to her lower back…and beyond? Would she let him have his way with her?

The Brown Knight abruptly picked up his steel vessel and poured copious amounts of the warm coconut oil onto the top of her scalp. The lubricant saturated her hair and spread across her head like a tidal wave, while he massaged her scalp with rapid slapping motions of his rigid outstretched fingers.


Panchaliayushmatibaijayanthirangana’s trance deepened.

Her mind was saying “This is so wrong” while her body was telling her “This is SO right

To hell with maintaining good little Indian girl image! She had fit that mold her entire life; now, for once, she craved to listen to her body.

Bad girl

Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram then heightened her state of euphoria by dribbling chicken tikka masala gravy over her scalp. The liquid gushed everywhere. The aroma of the curry added an additional sensory layer to this unforgettable pleasure.


But she was ill-prepared for his next maneuver: Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram buried his face into the nape of her neck and rapidly swiveled his head laterally to-and-fro, thereby employing his bushy mustache like a rotating automatic car wash brush, pressing the greasy lather of coconut oil and curry penetratingly deep into her skin pores. His warm breath of intoxicating cilantro & turmeric crop-dusted her scalp and neck as he moved his rotating whiskers around the area.

car wash

Does he love me? Is this what love feels like? Would he slide over here? Would he give me a moment? Oh, his moves are so raw! I’ve got to let him know…!”

Hey oruth, bus bohuth ho gaya! Thumarre panch minute katham hooway! Abh meri wari heh!” [“Hey lady, that’s enough time! You’ve already had your five minutes! Now it’s my turn!”] anxiously screamed the next woman in line.

Panchaliayushmatibaijayanthirangana emerged from her sensual stupor, opening her eyes to notice the growing cue with hundreds of desperate women snaking around the central court of the shopping mall where she sat. While she peeled herself off the massage chair where she had tantalizingly approached near-climax, she longingly focused on the sign emblazoned with the inscription “5 Minute Masaj: 10 Rupees. Curious?” near the Brown Knight, her savior. At that moment, she knew that her only hope of replicating such bliss would be to demonstrate patience by waiting for her fourth time in line with all of the other moaning aunty-ji’s…


You can follow the award-winning author Dr Pablo Pistola on Twitter at @drpablopistola and read more about him here:


Dr Pablo Pistola’s satirical Indian romance writing has the above effect on female readers.

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About the Author

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Dr Pablo Pistola had become increasingly dissatisfied with satisfaction-based forces in medicine. He felt like a doctor without a purpose. He subsequently embarked on a 7 year twerking quest in the Himalayan foothills to find his true calling. During this journey, he realized that he has a secret talent: his immense knowledge about women. He understands them. Legend has it that he can size up a woman’s soul in a mere instant. He didn’t ask for these powers. But with great powers come great responsibilities. So Dr Pablo Pistola (double-board certified in Love Medicine & Romance Medicine, with fellowship training in Seduction Medicine) has been dabbling in satirical erotic writing. And if satirical erotic writing can offer a viable exit strategy from medicine, then the world will be a better place. His responsibility is to bring the stories of lust to you. He also is an avid life-long Miami Heat fan. Dr Pistola’s medical satire contributions: Twitter: @drpablopistola

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