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#SexyTime Friday is back! Have you been telling everyone about www.51shadesofbrown.com? Excellent. Most excellent, indeed! Don’t forget to “follow” all the way at the bottom of this page! Time flies when you’re oily. 25 excerpts. Wow. I know that your life has been enriched by my writing — not just in the bedroom, but in your day-to-day activities. You’re welcome. And as always, use coconut oil in moderation.

51SOB

Did you know that recent polls have indicated that “Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram” is now the most common bedroom ‘safe word’ among couples?

gold1424353_10151709691137680_1633497814_n

He’s both a lover and a fighter, because, as he says, “Why choose?”

He’s the most oily man in the world.

51 Shades of Brown, (BONUS) Excerpt #25 [Chapter 100]

Poornimapushtipadmapriyapremaparvati felt her heart racing and perspiration accruing under her sterile surgical gown, mask and gloves. There was no time to think though. “Breathe. Just react. Rely on your years of training at India’s finest medical institutions.” she thought to herself.

Yet despite these vain attempts to assuage her fears, her hands began to demonstrate a fine tremor.

“Focus on the patient and the task at hand.” implored Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram, her mentor, her idol, and the object of her desire. How could the Brown Knight have astutely discerned such a subtle demonstration amid the chaos of endlessly oozing blood collecting in their patient’s chest wall cavity?

The telemetry unit indicated that this woman’s body was crashing before their eyes.

telemetry

Let me go.”

Poornimapushtipadmapriyapremaparvati suddenly turned towards the patient’s face. Were her ears deceiving her? Had she just heard the critically-ill patient whisper? Impossible! In a moment, she grew ashamed as she realized this auditory hallucination was a product her own devious wishful thinking.

For years, Poornimapushtipadmapriyapremaparvati had urged Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram to take Sarojasmitasarishasharmilasubhashini off life support. “There’s no hope for her to meaningfully recover from this coma” she would be plead with the Brown Knight on so many evenings while he dutifully adjusted her intravenous medication dosing and toggled her ventilator settings.

But Poornimapushtipadmapriyapremaparvati knew that her medical recommendations were selfishly intended to finally, at long last, have Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram all to herself. She wanted him. She wanted to own him. She wanted to own everything about him. His thick, lustrous mustache. His intoxicating aroma of curry. His…..hairy body.

MORE GAUZE!” urged the Brown Knight, as he attempted to cauterize a ruptured blood vessel which sprayed ruby red blood onto both of their gowns.

Suddenly, the telemetry alarm morphed from rapid beeping to a constant sickening tone. Sarojasmitasarishasharmilasubhashini had flatlined. Asystole. Cardiovascular collapse. Physiologic death.

asystole

Poornimapushtipadmapriyapremaparvati instantly glanced at Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram’s deep brown eyes, and witnessed a profound intensity, the depths of which she had never before been witnessed.

Electrical paddles were promptly deployed around Sarojasmitasarishasharmilasubhashini’s heart. The conduction jolted her body after the Brown Knight tensely announced “All clear!

defib

Nothing. Flatline. Pulseless.

Another electrical shock.

Same result.

Yes, Poornimapushtipadmapriyapremaparvati felt sorrow for the loss of one of their patients. Yet she also began to experience hope that her time had now arrived. Her moment in the sun. Her opportunity to bask in the glow of the Brown Knight’s undivided affections.

SAROJASMITASARISHASHARMILASUBHASHINIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!” shrieked Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram in his deep voice. His primal scream triggered reverberations felt throughout the hospital and adjacent cities.

The Brown Knight commanded his subservient anesthesiologist to hand over the liquid potion which had been incubating in a warming machine within the operating suite. The anesthesiologist hesitated out of sheepish concern about its potency, at which point Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram forcefully grabbed the plastic bag, held it over Sarojasmitasarishasharmilasubhashini’s exposed heart, and ripped open the container to dump the contents into her cracked-open chest.

Coconut oil. Of course!

coconut_oil

The Brown Knight began to manually massage his patient’s heart with coconut oil gliding between his gloved fingers. His powerful hands squeezed all four chambers, thereby delivering blood to the rest of her dying organs. The lubricant coated her diaphragm, her lungs, her trachea, and her internal pump. Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram continued this heroic act while the astonished surgical team stood in awe of his clutch mastery of the human body.

And then….out of nowhere….a pulse was regained. The telemetry unit began to methodically beep once again. Her heart began to spontaneously beat, as the Brown Knight’s loosened his tight grip on her heart.

Sarojasmitasarishasharmilasubhashini, now resuscitated, suddenly sat up to face her savior, her lips tantalizingly close to kissing Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram’s surgical mask, but not close enough to ruin her chances at being a good little Indian girl with any physical contact whatsoever.

As they stared into each other’s eyes, tears flowed from beneath Poornimapushtipadmapriyapremaparvati’s protective goggles. Her quivering voice mustered enough volume to utter “But….how?… How did this work? This is a medical impossibility…A miracle…

Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram briefly turned toward Poornimapushtipadmapriyapremaparvati before resuming his relentless gaze into the eyes of Sarojasmitasarishasharmilasubhashini while whispering “The only miracle is coconut oil’s potential. Never underestimate the power of coconut oil. Never…”

DON’T FORGET TO SCROLL ALL THE WAY DOWN TO FOLLOW http://www.51shadesofbrown.com and read the romantic adventures of the Brown Knight starting with excerpt #1!

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About the Author

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Dr Pablo Pistola had become increasingly dissatisfied with satisfaction-based forces in medicine. He felt like a doctor without a purpose. He subsequently embarked on a 7 year twerking quest in the Himalayan foothills to find his true calling. During this journey, he realized that he has a secret talent: his immense knowledge about women. He understands them. Legend has it that he can size up a woman’s soul in a mere instant. He didn’t ask for these powers. But with great powers come great responsibilities. So Dr Pablo Pistola (double-board certified in Love Medicine & Romance Medicine, with fellowship training in Seduction Medicine) has been dabbling in satirical erotic writing. And if satirical erotic writing can offer a viable exit strategy from medicine, then the world will be a better place. His responsibility is to bring the stories of lust to you. He also is an avid life-long Miami Heat fan. Dr Pistola’s medical satire contributions: http://www.gomerblog.com/author/drpablopistola/ Twitter: @drpablopistola

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