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#SexyTime Friday is back! Everyone by now recognizes my expertise about women. But did you know that I have a huge Latina following? This is my 3rd excerpt (#6, #10 & now #17) composed as a tribute to the Latina demographic that adores me so dearly. As usual, please spread the word (via email, text, Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, Pinterest, carrier pigeon, smoke signals, etc) about And as usual, please, PLEASE use coconut oil in moderation. I’m bringing #SEXY back to Indian men, one excerpt at a time.

51 Shades of Brown, (BONUS) Excerpt #17 [Chapter 72]

Dr Pablo Pistolacoconut_oil

She had stood in front of the battalion of cameramen innumerable times in the past, but never before had Margarita Macarena Valencia Alejandra Carolina Amante-Del-Carne noticed the suffocating warmth generated by the floodlight beams on her television studio kitchen set. What felt like the heat of a thousand suns caused her to appear ostensibly nervous despite her already well-established culinary celebrity.

tv studio lights

But she knew better.

She was acutely aware that the reason she was so hot and bothered was the man standing right next to her. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram had blessed her popular Latino cooking program with a guest appearance, and the early returns on her live show indicated a record-breaking international viewership. The grandstands behind the cameras were overflowing with a captivated studio audience, mostly comprised of women with raging hormones gushing through their bloodstreams & commanding them to engage in acts of procreation. Margarita Macarena Valencia Alejandra Carolina Amante-Del-Carne could virtually taste the exuded pheromones in the air.

But all she desired was a whiff of *his* pheromones to experience the high from the early stages of his primal mating process. Questions raced through her mind.
Would he notice if I moved even closer to him for a sniff?
Would the spectators catch onto my subtle maneuver?
Could I control myself?!
She found herself caring less and less about what the world would think. She felt compelled to listen to her own body and carnal instincts. As she inched towards him, his sublime scent of curry, coconut oil & freshly-diced cilantro almost made her knees below buckle to make her assume a submissive position. A brief moment of panic overwhelmed her as she feared that the moisture rapidly accumulating under her snow-white dress would be evident to millions of eyes.

In this instant, her nose brushed against his glorious bushy mustache as Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram turned towards her.
Oh, the embarrassment!
A faux pas in front of her devoted followers!
But the Brown Knight, sensing her bashfulness, casually wiped away the dab of coconut oil that had transferred from his glistening whiskers to the tip of her nose.
How could his presence be so damn calming?
His playful charm and hypnotic smile inspired the awe evoked by witnessing a solar eclipse. As the storm swirled around her, he was her lighthouse. His bedrock offered her firm ground upon which to stand with complete confidence.

He seamlessly turned back to the banana-leaf-covered-countertop which had a meticulous arrangement of boiling rice & rasam, as well as a veritable cornucopia of onions, garlic, ginger, coconuts, spices & oils.

indian spices

As he poured rice grains over the open fire, she heard the Brown Knight mumbling under his warm breath, inaudible to the microphones. She nearly wondered aloud if he was performing a pooja prayer in front of the world.
She stood spellbound as she became mesmerized by the various glass vessels filled with bubbling coconut oil, each extracted from a unique coconut species and precisely maintained at distinct temperatures.

“Is this what a coconut oil meth lab would look like?” wondered the Latina princess.
Her protective goggles began to fog up as she started to breathe more heavily and moan with each exact ingredient manipulation by this chef-extraordinaire. The mystifying culinary savant maintained his methodical command of the scene.
But the panic that had receded moments ago now boomeranged back as a tidal wave of terror. The Brown Knight kept blending more and more, and yet even more, spices together in his potent concoction! This level of flavor appeared to be too much for any human to safely process!
She stunned the audience by yelling “Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram, NO!!!!! This blend of garam masala and taco seasoning has never before been successfully achieved! It’s too powerful! The human taste buds cannot—–“

Suddenly, words escaped Margarita Macarena Valencia Alejandra Carolina Amante-Del-Carne, as the Brown Knight gently placed his mighty pointer finger on her lips while whispering “Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…”
As she stood in silence, she instinctively extended out her tongue to flick against his throbbing appendage. She could taste all the intense flavors at once, as she melted away due to the explosion in her mouth…

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About the Author

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Dr Pablo Pistola had become increasingly dissatisfied with satisfaction-based forces in medicine. He felt like a doctor without a purpose. He subsequently embarked on a 7 year twerking quest in the Himalayan foothills to find his true calling. During this journey, he realized that he has a secret talent: his immense knowledge about women. He understands them. Legend has it that he can size up a woman’s soul in a mere instant. He didn’t ask for these powers. But with great powers come great responsibilities. So Dr Pablo Pistola (double-board certified in Love Medicine & Romance Medicine, with fellowship training in Seduction Medicine) has been dabbling in satirical erotic writing. And if satirical erotic writing can offer a viable exit strategy from medicine, then the world will be a better place. His responsibility is to bring the stories of lust to you. He also is an avid life-long Miami Heat fan. Dr Pistola’s medical satire contributions: Twitter: @drpablopistola

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